The Politics of Global Warming

From Waste News.com Daily E-mail:

Predicting what will happen in 2008 is actually pretty easy. At the end of the year, a new president will be loading up the truck and moving to D.C. And the global warming threat won't disappear with the dawn of a sunny new day.

So with that foundation, here's what might just happen:

Rudy Giuliani takes the offensive on the climate change issue and declares himself "The Mayor of Global Warming."

Hillary Rodham Clinton declares she'll reduce gas consumption by cutting out husband Bill's speaking engagements and make him a stay-at-home First Guy.

Barack Obama names Oprah as his running mate. To combat greenhouse gases, Oprah develops "The Global Warming Diet."

Mitt Romney evokes the memory of former President John F. Kennedy. "He was the first Catholic president, and he got this country to the moon in 10 years. I'm going to be the first Mormon president, and put an end to global warming."

Mike Huckabee continues to exclaim that we are God's guests on this planet, so we have a responsibility to take care of it. He also says he was Jay Leno's guest on the "Tonight Show," so he had a responsibility to cross the striking writers' picket line.

Clinton says: "JFK broke barriers when he became the first Catholic president, and he landed us on the moon within the decade. I'll break the barriers for women and global warming."

Dennis Kucinich and his new running mate, U2's Bono, propose a plan to capture all the world's greenhouse gases and convert them into peace on earth and food for Africa.

Realizing they're far more popular than the rest of the political field, Bono and Oprah form their own ticket for president.

Obama makes the Kennedy comparison. "He proved we could elect a Catholic president and travel to another planet within a short time. I'll prove you can elect an African-American and save this planet from global warming."

Kennedy sends a message from beyond, through John Edward (the psychic, not the candidate): "Global warming is a hoax, and so were the moon landings! Now stop using me for personal political gain!"

One of the above people gets elected, and the global warming issue gets some serious talk -- and an indistinct, backburner plan.

I'm thinking the last one is the best bet.

Allan Gerlat is editor of Waste News. Past installments of this column are collected in the Inbox archive.